"Yea, though I walk through the valley....."

".....of the shadow of death..." used to mean something different to me.....A shadow does not have substance. It is not real. It is merely  a representation of something real. Sometimes the shadow is bigger and meaner than what it represents. Possibly, it misrepresents, is distorted as it mirrors the actual object. As I walk now through the valley of the shadow if death I feel its grip. It is icy and constant and I want to get away, but cannot. I struggle to ignore it and focus with some effort on the present, which is all I have. This shadow dogs me and beckons for attention. Its strength comes from the fact that as it dissipates, it will leave behind real life with genuine anguish. I cannot give it ground even for a second without releasing emotions that I struggle constantly to keep in check. It is evil.

...I will fear no evil...For Thou art with me.....always He is with me. As a parent follows behind a toddler as he learns to walk, removing objects that will trip him up, leading him away from things that could cause him harm, so our Father moves lovingly behind us, protecting, redirecting. Finally, the toddler comes to an obstacle too big for him to conquer and he looks questioning back, up over his shoulder with questioning eyes to his protector. As I "toddle" now uncertainly, the Lord walks not only behind me, but beside me, before me, under me......He stands between me and the shadow of death.....

Mom's "good" days have taken on new definition. She rarely has energy to do things anymore. So good days are days when she doesn't feel "yucky". They are days when the meds allow her to think clearly. They are days when she's talked with all of her kids. They are days when we see answered prayer. Times of prayer and singing and Bible reading make her days good. She struggles not to be disappointed when she wakes up here on earth each morning but is satisfied that she is in His loving hands and will continue here as long as she can be a tool to bring her Savior glory.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. We continue to enjoy each day with Mom. Sherri has the honor of "moving in" to be with her on a daily basis and to help as needed. The rest of us take (fight over) turns to be a second set of hands.  Hospice has been a godsend with help with meds and advice of how best to care for her. Days are spent meeting needs and enjoying her company.