Moving forward....

After much prayer and consideration, Mom felt selling the house would be the wise thing to do. So! We began in earnest to move in that direction preparing the house (and our hearts). The house went on the market toward the end of October and we signed papers the day before Thanksgiving. In about 5 weeks all the work was done, the packing completed, a buyer found, agreements made and papers signed. Praises to Him Who worketh...to do His good will!! The whole process was very difficult. Moving is not for the faint of heart. And with Daddy gone just only two years, there were constant reminders of him each and every day. There was also a finality involved. Because Mom was not packing to move to another house (We did consider that), everything had to go....somewhere....to somebody....or to good will. Every item necessitated a decision. Keep? Trash? Give? Donate? Ugh....No longer will there be a "Granny's house". But praise God we still have Granny!! We can make it work. We WILL make it work. Right now, Mom is in New Hampshire with Andy for Christmas. She will come back to Anderson and stay with me January through February/March while Andy is building an additional bedroom onto his house just for her. She has never had the opportunity to be around Andy's family as much as the rest of us and is looking forward to making memories with them and being a part of their ministry there in NH. "Praise God from whom all blessings flow..." He certainly has "flowed" His blessings on us. We can never understand, or certainly deserve His love and care for us. We can only humbly accept what we can never earn and learn how to best honor and glorify Him as we live from day to day....Merry Christmas to all of you and a Christ-honoring New Year!!

Thankful for good health...

So now what? Mom's healed! But there were a couple of complications.....First, Mom was not terribly excited that she would continue here on earth, her temporary home. That just was not part of her plan. Secondly, because of the administration of morphine to make her comfortable, she was now a "druggie". Yep. We had a junkie on our hands.....The whole situation was not really funny. It was confusing and frightening to some extent. We had had a plan and had been following it for almost a year. Now what do we do? As Mom readjusted her thinking and her will to understand that the Lord had further plans for her life here, we began to help her through withdrawal from the drugs to which her body had grown accustomed. Neither was a simple matter. She was really disappointed that she didn't die that day at the hospital. We were exuberant. She, not so much.....She began immediately to search the Lord's face for understanding, acceptance and some idea of the direction He had planned for her now. Meanwhile, we began to help her detox, lessening the amount of morphine she was taking each day. She wanted off of it, NOW! She went through several physical issues as we moved forward. And her days were not so wonderful. However, with the other ailments she was now facing, shortness of breath or chest pains were not on the list. We spent the next 6 months or so assisting her as she regained her health. Good days, bad days, finally more good days than bad. Now she is walking the neighborhood, feeling great, sleeping well (mostly), has her appetite back (even her love for chocolate). It's amazing. Her health is better than it has been for years. But now that she's not moving to heaven, what should her next step be? Apparently, the first step would be to put the house up for sale.....

...PRIASE HIM from whom all blessings flow!

So, at Hospice's insistence, we headed back to the doctor to verify Mom's "condition." There was one little twist. With this heart cath, she requested that if possible that they put stints in during the procedure. Well. Knowing how risky that would be, a simple procedure now becomes quite possibly a death sentence. So, somehow, all 7 of us managed to be there that special morning thinking of the likelihood of losing her. Told her goodbye, said we'll be praying, see ya in a little bit......then she was gone and we waited. As the doctor walked out into the waiting room and called for the Dean family, we all rose, walked toward the little room he indicated, tried to read the news on his face. He seemed a little amused as we continued to file past him (there were 8 or 9 kids and spouses) and find seats, that we were so concerned over a heart cath. He shut the door and began to explain to us that Mom was fine, great, in fact. There was some blockages, but nothing unusual for someone her age, he said. She could live another 20 years with that heart, he said. No reason to be concerned, he said. You're talking about Joy Dean, right? we said.....then we just sat there and looked at him.....searching, searching. This does not compute! He looked from one of us to the next. I'm sure we all looked dumfounded, because WE WERE! What? Okay. Wait....After about another 10 minutes of questions, concerns and assurances. It began to dawn on us that she was healed. HEALED! O man! Praise God! We couldn't wait to see her, and took turns going back one at a time while still trying to process what a miracle God had done on our behalf! I should let you know, at her next visit with her family doctor, she asked if there had been some mistake with the first tests. NO! he told her. I saw the test results myself the first time. I saw the blockages. They were there! Now they aren't! BLESSED! That's what we are! Receiving that amazing news was the easy part. Now what.....we had no idea what lay before us.....

....a time to be thankful, still.....

And so, we began what we thought would be a 2 month journey that turned into 10 months of agonizing. Mom began to grow weaker, began to hurt more, had trouble sleeping. The meds messed with her mentally. We began to grieve......Soon, she needed round the clock care. Some days were better than others. She would have pain attacks. Nitro would be administered, then morphine if necessary. It become more and more necessary. She made final trips. People came for final visits. It was all very painful and difficult to us, her caregivers. Mom languished. And yet at the same time, she was expectant. This would be her road to heaven and she would gladly travel it. We had precious times with her as we read, sang, reminisced and talked of the future....hers and ours.... Finally, hospice was called. They were a blessing to us and very helpful with her care. They would come by and visit and check on her. Little did they know they were fair game as they walked through the door. Every visit brought an opportunity for sharing her testimony. Most were encouraged because they knew her Savior, too. Some were more introspective..... Some days, she didn't get out of the bed. Others, she would get up, get dressed and even put on makeup. These were less frequent as the days and weeks wore on. It was excruciating to watch her suffer. It was hard to see her disappointment as she woke up each morning still here on earth. She had released each of us kids one by one when she felt confident each would be okay when she was gone. I was the last....but finally I convinced her. I knew it would be devastating. I knew each day was moving me closer to gut-wrenching grief. But I knew the Lord would sustain me. I knew His plan was always best, planned out with me in mind, handed to me from a loving Savior who would also stand by me to comfort. After 6 month. Hospice said enough, already. Now we need another evaluation done......

...a time to be thankful....

...a time to be thankful.... I talked with someone yesterday who called to check on Mom. She hadn't heard anything in a while and wanted to see how she was doing. Though I thought blogging about God's blessing on behalf of my mom would be enough to get the word out to those who knew of her situation and had been praying for her, I was wrong. So! How is Mom? She is flourishing. Simply put. God healed her heart and she is very alive and very well. Just a quick recap for those of you just joining us (and to set the stage for the miracle God sent our way). In April, 2012, Mom was having difficulty breathing after any sort of exertion (even walking to the mailbox). Her doctor sent her to have things checked out. They found several major blockages in the arteries of her heart. The placement of the blockages made it risky to treat. Mom opted (after much prayer and seeking God's direction) to have nothing done. The doctors told us she had 2 days to 2 months. We took her home prepared to watch her die. Devastation reigned. We had barely had time to regain our footing after Daddy's death. Now Mom would be leaving us, too. No matter how much we trusted our Lord, this would be a loss that would shake us to the core. Surely God had some other plan. There had to be another answer. Even so, we began our care for her. Every activity, every visit or chat on the phone, every family gathering could be our last with her. Every time the phone rang..... More tomorrow....

What a woman......what a God

So! Still praising the Lord! Still trying to make major reversals mentally-especially Mom. She struggled initially with reversing her outlook and expectations for life. She really expected to see Jesus that day. Now...she will have to be satisfied with us. Bummer for mama, but "For me to live is Christ." She's willing to stay, desiring to go. She has felt this way all along. The difference now is the "staying" is indefinite, while before, it was imminent. The doctor told us she could be here another 20 years as far as her heart is concerned. Really? Amazing. So, this last week, she began her path back to good health. Her major hurtle was withdrawing from the meds she has been on for 9 months. Morphine has not been her friend these days. We tease her about being our "junkie" mom. Seriously, though, she has actually had to go through withdrawal from her dependence on the morphine (she has taken for the pain). She's been nauseated, jittery, had headaches, etc. BUT SHE HAS BEEN A TROOPER!! She is determined. She spreads her time out between her doses (as we taper her off) to longer than we ask. She's drinking lots of water. She's getting up and moving around. (She walked out to the mailbox twice yesterday!) What a woman! Daddy would be so proud! And she hasn't had any pain. Go figure. She went to the doctor initially because she would get out of breath just going to the mailbox and back. Now as a junkie, she does it, no problems! We all are so proud of her. (My brother-in-law can't wait to get her into the prisons, talking to the other drug addicts about how, if she could do it at 76, they can do it!) So funny to think about....and yet.....who knows what the Lord has planned! We sure didn't know He had THIS planned! Every day is a little better than the last. She still struggles and will for a while, just getting back on her feet and doing for herself (we may have spoiled her a little...) If you want to send her a card as encouragement, her address: 500 Loblolly Dr; Anderson, SC 19625. I always send on to her your well wishes, hugs and prayers like you ask. It means so much. Please continue to pray for her through these next weeks. Pray for strength, physically and emotionally.... That God of ours......what is He up to next? Pick me, Lord! Pick me!

So....ummmm.....

So, the doctor comes out and calls for the Dean family. (Shallow breathing, thumping heart...) We all pile into a little room. He begins to explain what he's found during the procedure. Our immediate response:.........................WHAT? You're talking about Joy Dean? I guess we looked a little dumbfounded (more than usual) because he kept saying, "I promise you!" We just sat there, silent (and you know THAT'S not normal for us). We are still processing.... If you remember almost 10 months ago, with her last heart cath we were told she had two major arteries at least 80% blocked. Bypass surgery was the only thing advised. Stents and angioplasty were too risky because of the location of the blockages. And we needed to make a quick decision. We were told she had two days or two months. Death was certainly in the near future, and it could happen at any moment. At least 3 doctors confirmed this information. TODAY we were told her blockages were maybe 50% but the blood flow was almost normal. Stents or bypass are absolutely not necessary and Mom may be with us another twenty years as far as her heart is concerned. It is functioning normally. Seriously?? So....WHAT IN THE WORLD??? WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD? What do we do with this information? First of all,Praise the Lord! In my last post, I listed the options we believed were likely. Being the ultra spiritual person that I am, no where did I consider the Lord's healing. Hmmm. He must have laughed as I looked to Him for courage and strength for what we were about to face. HA! Should have known He'd sneak up on me and answer in a way I never expected....He is so that way..... We are now in the process of understanding Mom's new normal and what that means in our lives. We walk expectantly, excited to see what the Lord has ahead of us.... GOD IS REAL! We saw that for ourselves today...........

...pensive....

So, this early morning, I sit in the waiting room at An Med in Anderson, SC. Mom looked a little pensive. I think we all are. Not knowing what the Lord's plan is can really test how much you trust Him. She wants us to be excited. All I can think is this may be my last day with my mama.

Her procedure is scheduled for 9:00. I want to think and consider possibilities. I want to not think at all. I want to assume the best case scenario is what will happen today. I want to prepare myself for what could come. How's that for trusting......

Mom wants us to be excited. WHAT? Come on, Mom. Surely you understand our perspective is a little different from yours....But, if I'm truly trusting, WHATEVER happens is worth getting exciting about, right?
Right? Well.....Of course, in theory that would be correct. Always, He works on our behalf for our good. Right? I'm working on it......

Update and prayers, please

Yesterday, Mom had an appointment with her new cardiologist. After viewing her recent electrocardiogram, he said stents (sp?) were an option for her. She is scheduled for another heart cath tomorrow (Friday) morning (7:45). Depending on what they find during the procedure, she will have stents put in. There are three possible scenarios, as we see it. They will discover (after 9 months) that stents really are not an option and we will continue life as we have been. They will put in the stents and her quality of life will be greatly improved.  Or, she will not make it through the procedure.

This has all come about very quickly and we are still trying to process it all. We ask for your prayers tomorrow for the doctors, for mom, for us and wisdom for us all. Thanks for your continued support and prayers on our behalf.

I will update as I have further information.

All the way......

Mom's doing pretty well. She still has bad days, bad "episodes". But she's hanging in there and endeavoring to stay focused on Christ and "end well" whatever that may come to mean.

Today, we got together to celebrate the Lord's Day by spending our time singing. Most of the time was spent on hymns we grew up with and have loved forever. Always, the teacher, Mom made sure we stopped to consider the words of each verse of every song. (When you've been singing them for as long as we have, your mind can be a million miles away while you get every word correct. You know that. You've DONE that. But not today.) We took turns sharing our favorites and singing them, re-reading the verses and discussing them, understanding them and applying them to our lives.

We ended up with All the Way, My Savior Leads Me....."for I know what e'er befalls me, Jesus doeth all things well. Though my weary steps may falter...." It's difficult just now not to apply each promise to where we all are, to where Mom is especially. This song is so appropriate to her life. She has allowed Him to lead her. Every step, every move, each struggle and trial she walked through because her Savior lead her that way. And He continues to lead. She walks hand in hand with Him drawing each day nearer and nearer to the uncertainties to come.

"Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my guide? Heavenly peace, divinest comfort, here by faith in Him to dwell.....Perfect rest to me is promised in my Father's house above. When my spirit, clothed immortal, wings its flight to realms of day, the my song thro' endless ages, Jesus lead me all the way."

He doesn't just lead. He walks beside. He upholds. He comforts and whispers truths and promises to bolster us and calm our fears. Mama will never die. She will take one step on earthly terrain and the next on streets of gold. She will have reached her destination and begin unimaginable worship and communion with Him. "Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of JOY I see

Meanwhile.......He "gives me grace for every trial, for I know what e'er befalls me, Jesus doeth all things well...." I love you, mama....